I'm not, by definition, an emotional person. I'm realistic, analytical, maybe a little cynical, and in general I'm extremely adept at dealing with most anything. I'm perfectly capable of feeling feelings, I just don't let them take over my life or crowd up my brain. I guess maybe that's because my life has been so wonderfully, well, easy up until now. This has been a game changer in the emotions department.
A friend of ours who has had twins gave me a book called When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads By Dr Barbara Luke. If you are, then get it. It's so much more informative than books like What to Expect When You're Expecting. Multiples are a whole different ball game, and you need to treat them as such. So, seriously, that's my plug - buy that book. I'm sure I'll talk about it a lot more if I stick to the blogging thing. But, I digress. The part of the book that's applicable to this post is the part about the emotional stages you go through while processing all this. I'm not through all of them yet, but here's my experience with each stage so far.
Stage 1: Shock
Yes. This was the first stage. It's impact was immediate, undeniable and exactly as described. I was really fucking shocked.
Stage 2: Denial
I also felt this very, very clearly, as did my husband. Once the shock wore off we both felt like there was just NO way it was going to happen, so why even be worried about it. I kinda liked denial, it was pretty soothing. Both of us honestly thought that something would happen, a vanishing twin or an issue that would have to end with a reduction, and that we just simply would NOT be having three babies. Denial wore off after a few more ultrasounds showing three pretty large and lively babies. Gradually the sweet embrace of denial wore off and gave way to...
Stage 3: Anxiety/Anger/Depression
I think I'm still kind of in this stage. Definitely feeling the anxiety when thinking about all the things up ahead. Not just with the pregnancy but with the reality of having three babies all at once. It's a stressful thought! I'll start thinking about money and how I wont be able to go back to work, or about random things like what in the hell will we do when they want to drive? What if they're smart and they want to go to college?? It's not crippling or overwhelming, just a little touch of anxiety. A taste of what's yet to come as a parent I suppose. And anger, yes, we felt the anger and I guess we still are. But I don't WANT three babies! WHY! HUH!!! WHY US!! We wanted one perfect little baby child to love and cherish and raise to the best of our ability, what did we do to deserve THREE?? It's selfish and it's stupid and it makes you feel guilty, like most things that make you angry. It's dumb, don't spend too much time there. I don't think I really felt too much in the way of depression. More like just being a little down thinking about things like potential bed rest, weeks or even months in a hospital 5 hours away from home. Watching three little heathens destroy out beautiful home. Ya know, the shitty stuff. Depression's worse than anger, I recommend just skipping over it altogether.
Stage 4: Bargaining
I don't think we're here yet. I think we're still hoovering about stage 3 being a little anxious and mopey. I hope that bargaining will be more encouraging than terrible. Like, I promise to eat this huge well cooked streak even though I'd rather have medium rare, you just promise to produce three healthy babies, uterus. We're not religious, we wont be bargaining with the man upstairs, so really I think most of the bargaining will be done with ourselves.
Stage 4: Acceptance/Adaption
We're getting closer with each of the other steps. I think we pretty much HAVE accepted it, and are starting to adapt. I think after our first appointment with the specialist in the city this Monday we'll be a lot farther along in this stage. I think the bigger part of this stage will be accepting and adapting to something abnormal should it arise. I really hope we just don't have to worry about that. In fact, I think I'll just pop back over to stage 2 for a while.
So far I think that's a pretty accurate assessment of the stages for us. Everyone will of course experience them in vastly different ways. All I can really say is, enjoy stage 2. Just don't hang out there too long.
No comments:
Post a Comment