I'm not, by definition, an emotional person. I'm realistic, analytical, maybe a little cynical, and in general I'm extremely adept at dealing with most anything. I'm perfectly capable of feeling feelings, I just don't let them take over my life or crowd up my brain. I guess maybe that's because my life has been so wonderfully, well, easy up until now. This has been a game changer in the emotions department.
A friend of ours who has had twins gave me a book called When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads By Dr Barbara Luke. If you are, then get it. It's so much more informative than books like What to Expect When You're Expecting. Multiples are a whole different ball game, and you need to treat them as such. So, seriously, that's my plug - buy that book. I'm sure I'll talk about it a lot more if I stick to the blogging thing. But, I digress. The part of the book that's applicable to this post is the part about the emotional stages you go through while processing all this. I'm not through all of them yet, but here's my experience with each stage so far.
Stage 1: Shock
Yes. This was the first stage. It's impact was immediate, undeniable and exactly as described. I was really fucking shocked.
Stage 2: Denial
I also felt this very, very clearly, as did my husband. Once the shock wore off we both felt like there was just NO way it was going to happen, so why even be worried about it. I kinda liked denial, it was pretty soothing. Both of us honestly thought that something would happen, a vanishing twin or an issue that would have to end with a reduction, and that we just simply would NOT be having three babies. Denial wore off after a few more ultrasounds showing three pretty large and lively babies. Gradually the sweet embrace of denial wore off and gave way to...
Stage 3: Anxiety/Anger/Depression
I think I'm still kind of in this stage. Definitely feeling the anxiety when thinking about all the things up ahead. Not just with the pregnancy but with the reality of having three babies all at once. It's a stressful thought! I'll start thinking about money and how I wont be able to go back to work, or about random things like what in the hell will we do when they want to drive? What if they're smart and they want to go to college?? It's not crippling or overwhelming, just a little touch of anxiety. A taste of what's yet to come as a parent I suppose. And anger, yes, we felt the anger and I guess we still are. But I don't WANT three babies! WHY! HUH!!! WHY US!! We wanted one perfect little baby child to love and cherish and raise to the best of our ability, what did we do to deserve THREE?? It's selfish and it's stupid and it makes you feel guilty, like most things that make you angry. It's dumb, don't spend too much time there. I don't think I really felt too much in the way of depression. More like just being a little down thinking about things like potential bed rest, weeks or even months in a hospital 5 hours away from home. Watching three little heathens destroy out beautiful home. Ya know, the shitty stuff. Depression's worse than anger, I recommend just skipping over it altogether.
Stage 4: Bargaining
I don't think we're here yet. I think we're still hoovering about stage 3 being a little anxious and mopey. I hope that bargaining will be more encouraging than terrible. Like, I promise to eat this huge well cooked streak even though I'd rather have medium rare, you just promise to produce three healthy babies, uterus. We're not religious, we wont be bargaining with the man upstairs, so really I think most of the bargaining will be done with ourselves.
Stage 4: Acceptance/Adaption
We're getting closer with each of the other steps. I think we pretty much HAVE accepted it, and are starting to adapt. I think after our first appointment with the specialist in the city this Monday we'll be a lot farther along in this stage. I think the bigger part of this stage will be accepting and adapting to something abnormal should it arise. I really hope we just don't have to worry about that. In fact, I think I'll just pop back over to stage 2 for a while.
So far I think that's a pretty accurate assessment of the stages for us. Everyone will of course experience them in vastly different ways. All I can really say is, enjoy stage 2. Just don't hang out there too long.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The First Trimester: Seriously? Was that IT?
I was originally going to make this post about feelings, but.... well, those are gross soooo I think I'll just brag about my easy breezy first trimester instead.
Today marks the end of my first trimester, or the 'wait and see' period as my OB rather sinisterly referred to it as. My husband's birthday, the day I peed on that fateful stick, seems like simultaneously a million years and 10 minutes ago. This first trimester has flown by, but since we've been digesting the surprise! there's three people inside of you! news since 6 weeks it's also felt like I've been pregnant for much, much longer. It's strange, as time tends to be. At the very beginning I of course read up on all the wonderful things I could expect to experience in the first three months of joining the knocked up club. And I'm super happy to announce that I only experienced like three of them, and just ever so slightly.
I'm sure I'm the kind of bitch that makes other moms to be spit with rage, and that's perfectly fine with me. Hate all y'all want, because I have yet to puke, had maybe two days of indigestion and aside from a little bit of food aversion I pretty much had a normal appetite throughout. They say to expect exaggerated symptoms with multiples but apparently I'm a glorious freak of nature.
The only really pronounced symptom I've had is fatigue. Growing three fetuses is exhausting, and I've definitely felt that. I'm tired, I do not wish to be vertical. I've also had quite a few more headaches than usual. For a little while I wasn't really nuts about food, the thought of certain edibles made me feel icky and some smells got to me a little. But I also think the food aversion could be attributed to stress, as the shock of that first ultrasound definitely created quite a bit of that. But really, that's about it. Oh, and it occasionally hurts like an absolute MF'er when I sneeze, as my poor uterus is a little taxed at the moment.
So, really from my perspective I don't know what all this first trimester fuss is all about. A few days where cheese made me a little gaggy and some extra naps? Pfft, if the rest of this is going to be such a breeze, then bring. it. on. (I'm sure I will choke on those words in due time)
Oh, and the fetuses share their second trimester birthday with their Auntie Erin Fabulous. Happy birthday to all four of you :)
Today marks the end of my first trimester, or the 'wait and see' period as my OB rather sinisterly referred to it as. My husband's birthday, the day I peed on that fateful stick, seems like simultaneously a million years and 10 minutes ago. This first trimester has flown by, but since we've been digesting the surprise! there's three people inside of you! news since 6 weeks it's also felt like I've been pregnant for much, much longer. It's strange, as time tends to be. At the very beginning I of course read up on all the wonderful things I could expect to experience in the first three months of joining the knocked up club. And I'm super happy to announce that I only experienced like three of them, and just ever so slightly.
I'm sure I'm the kind of bitch that makes other moms to be spit with rage, and that's perfectly fine with me. Hate all y'all want, because I have yet to puke, had maybe two days of indigestion and aside from a little bit of food aversion I pretty much had a normal appetite throughout. They say to expect exaggerated symptoms with multiples but apparently I'm a glorious freak of nature.
The only really pronounced symptom I've had is fatigue. Growing three fetuses is exhausting, and I've definitely felt that. I'm tired, I do not wish to be vertical. I've also had quite a few more headaches than usual. For a little while I wasn't really nuts about food, the thought of certain edibles made me feel icky and some smells got to me a little. But I also think the food aversion could be attributed to stress, as the shock of that first ultrasound definitely created quite a bit of that. But really, that's about it. Oh, and it occasionally hurts like an absolute MF'er when I sneeze, as my poor uterus is a little taxed at the moment.
So, really from my perspective I don't know what all this first trimester fuss is all about. A few days where cheese made me a little gaggy and some extra naps? Pfft, if the rest of this is going to be such a breeze, then bring. it. on. (I'm sure I will choke on those words in due time)
Oh, and the fetuses share their second trimester birthday with their Auntie Erin Fabulous. Happy birthday to all four of you :)
Friday, January 18, 2013
And Then There Was Five...
I'm not sure if I'll stick to this or not, if it will be beneficial or not, or even if anyone will read it or not, but either way I've decided to do the customary thing and start a 'holy shit we're having three babies oh my god holy shit' blog. Since finding out I've of course been scouring the internet for information on multiples and one thing I've found not only interesting and informative but extremely soothing and comforting is real live people's personal accounts of their lives with triplets. Maybe I'll be able to offer that to someone else, maybe not. Time will tell. But until then, here's a little bit about MY triplet situation and how we got there:
I'm 29, my husband and I will have been married for 4 years this May and have been together for the better part of 14. We met in junior high, dated through most of high school, went our separate ways for a few years after we graduated and then found our way back to where we needed to be. We married in Vegas on the ten tear anniversary of when we first started 'going out' in high school. My point being is that we're as meant to be as could be, very stable, very established, and were very read to start a family. I don't know if that's important, probably not. Oh well.
We've been living in our current home for a little over 3 years, and have been busy with the massive task of renovating an ugly 1971 fixer. We've been knocking off projects at an alrightish pace and the last thing we completed was the 'office' which would 'one day' be a nursery. After that was finished we started having the baby talk more and more frequently and seriously. Finally we decided that we'd allow ourselves one more summer to get drunk on patios, go camping and rip around on our Rhino and generally just be irresponsible young adults before trying to conceive. We also decided that instead of going to Mexico with friends in the fall, we'd have a baby. So that MUST mean we were ready. We threw caution and condoms to the wind at the end of August.
We copulated like bunnies pretty much all fall. After 2 cycles I got a little more serious about it, cut out caffeine and wine, read up on all the ins and outs (lol). My gift to my husband on his 29th birthday at the end of November was a positive pregnancy test. I know, adorable right?? So it took us a very average 3 months to get pregnant. I kind of just expected that everything else would just keep going right along all average like. It did not.
The day before my birthday 2 weeks later I had my first appointment with the obstetrician. I have a thyroid condition so I was referred because apparently it really ups the risk factor with pregnancies. I didn't know what to expect, I thought I was just going in for a hey, how ya doin? consultation. It was not that. I had my first full exam (sorry about those sasquatch legs, doc!) and my first ultrasound, I was right around 6 weeks along. Oh! You are having a twin pregnancy! he said. I teared up a little bit, that was actually kind of neat, exciting. Then came an oh, wait. Wait for what? What's wrong?? There are THREE, he said. Uhhhh, three WHAT? I said. Three heartbeats, he said. And to be perfectly honest everything after that is kind of a blur. He sent me to the hospital to have another ultrasound with the radiologist to confirm what me saw. My husband was at work an hour or so away so he couldn't make it it, thankfully my best friend and 'person' came with me, picking me up and handing me a pumpkin spice tea. Needless to say the doc at the hospital confirmed it, pretty sure my BFF pooped a little and we walked out of the hospital in a daze.
Since then it's been a wait and see because it was so, so early on. But today I'm almost 12 weeks along and everyone is still present and accounted for. Two identical twins sharing a sac and a fraternal sibling chilling out in their own. We could see them wiggling all around on the last ultrasound, pretty amazing. I've been a pretty regular visitor at the OBGYN's office and the nurses there are just shitting themselves since none of them have ever seen a triplet pregnancy before. EVERYONE's shitting themselves, ourselves included. But our feelings have been a little more of a roller coaster, a lot of fear, disbelief and maybe even anger mixed in with the joy. It's going to be a ride, that's for sure.
I'm 29, my husband and I will have been married for 4 years this May and have been together for the better part of 14. We met in junior high, dated through most of high school, went our separate ways for a few years after we graduated and then found our way back to where we needed to be. We married in Vegas on the ten tear anniversary of when we first started 'going out' in high school. My point being is that we're as meant to be as could be, very stable, very established, and were very read to start a family. I don't know if that's important, probably not. Oh well.
We've been living in our current home for a little over 3 years, and have been busy with the massive task of renovating an ugly 1971 fixer. We've been knocking off projects at an alrightish pace and the last thing we completed was the 'office' which would 'one day' be a nursery. After that was finished we started having the baby talk more and more frequently and seriously. Finally we decided that we'd allow ourselves one more summer to get drunk on patios, go camping and rip around on our Rhino and generally just be irresponsible young adults before trying to conceive. We also decided that instead of going to Mexico with friends in the fall, we'd have a baby. So that MUST mean we were ready. We threw caution and condoms to the wind at the end of August.
We copulated like bunnies pretty much all fall. After 2 cycles I got a little more serious about it, cut out caffeine and wine, read up on all the ins and outs (lol). My gift to my husband on his 29th birthday at the end of November was a positive pregnancy test. I know, adorable right?? So it took us a very average 3 months to get pregnant. I kind of just expected that everything else would just keep going right along all average like. It did not.
The day before my birthday 2 weeks later I had my first appointment with the obstetrician. I have a thyroid condition so I was referred because apparently it really ups the risk factor with pregnancies. I didn't know what to expect, I thought I was just going in for a hey, how ya doin? consultation. It was not that. I had my first full exam (sorry about those sasquatch legs, doc!) and my first ultrasound, I was right around 6 weeks along. Oh! You are having a twin pregnancy! he said. I teared up a little bit, that was actually kind of neat, exciting. Then came an oh, wait. Wait for what? What's wrong?? There are THREE, he said. Uhhhh, three WHAT? I said. Three heartbeats, he said. And to be perfectly honest everything after that is kind of a blur. He sent me to the hospital to have another ultrasound with the radiologist to confirm what me saw. My husband was at work an hour or so away so he couldn't make it it, thankfully my best friend and 'person' came with me, picking me up and handing me a pumpkin spice tea. Needless to say the doc at the hospital confirmed it, pretty sure my BFF pooped a little and we walked out of the hospital in a daze.
Since then it's been a wait and see because it was so, so early on. But today I'm almost 12 weeks along and everyone is still present and accounted for. Two identical twins sharing a sac and a fraternal sibling chilling out in their own. We could see them wiggling all around on the last ultrasound, pretty amazing. I've been a pretty regular visitor at the OBGYN's office and the nurses there are just shitting themselves since none of them have ever seen a triplet pregnancy before. EVERYONE's shitting themselves, ourselves included. But our feelings have been a little more of a roller coaster, a lot of fear, disbelief and maybe even anger mixed in with the joy. It's going to be a ride, that's for sure.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)